A Strange Experience

Today was overall an amazing day. I was able to sleep in, had one class, had lunch with a good friend and watched another segment of a movie with the same friend, helped my dad put new shingles on his roof, went to a choir concert by my onesy, and received some pleasant yet unexpected news from a certain someone. This strange experience, however, seems to be the highlight of my entire day of Friday, September 17, 2010. My s dad rented a movie called The Backup Plan, starring Jennifer Lopez. I'm not completely certain why, but it struck hard to my feelings I have been experiencing lately (am I pregnant?).
Entry 42:

I never thought I would love again
I never stopped to think it through
That someone that I once knew
Would come strolling back to me again.

What is truly happening?
Am I hallucinating?
Or has my life turned round to see...

I can love you again
Love springtime again
Count pedals on the flowers
Sit and talk with you for hours
And maybe even kiss you on the lips again

Love is a many splendered thing
It gives a person wings
When all they've had were doubts
Of ever flying

Have i gone karazy
Is my vision truly hazy
Or has my sight finally begun to see...

I can love you again
Love springtime again
Count pedals on the flowers
Sit and talk with you for hours
And maybe even kiss you on the lips again

There was a time not so long ago
I thought I had you figured out
But now, maybe, you've finally shown
The true colors, inside and out so that

I can love you again
Love springtime again
Count pedals on the flowers
Sit and talk with you for hours
And maybe even kiss you on the lips again

Jazz/Ballad style

Old ties come back. Good or Bad?

Wow I am super duper behind. It has definitely been due to all the homework and "extra credit" I've been doing the past few week. I have been feeling the strain though having not written out my thoughts every day like I should and would like to get back into the habit of. So the title of this entry is due to a person coming back into my life that I never thought would even try to come back after what happen during the month of June. I am not one to hold a deep grudge, but when someone completely ignores you for an entire week without any type of response it leaves a mark. And unfortunately for me, mine is still rather tender and not quite healed over. Entry :

Laying on my bed, just thinking things through
Wonderin what in the world kept you.

Lying back I feel the scar that you left on me
Wishing that you could just let me be

This bipolar persona I carry now
Is due to what you did. you ask how

You broke my heart so many times
The middle fell right out
I've been tryin to hide the pain inside
All the memories and the doubts
But now you stand and wait for me
To choose to stay or leave
Right now my answer is...
Not now

You came back like a rocket streaming 'cross the sky
Back then I would've hitched the ride, right now I only cry

The clouds once white have now turned grey
I don't know what to do or say

This bipolar persona I carry now
Is due to what you did. you ask how

You broke my heart so many times
The middle fell right out
I've been tryin to hide the pain inside
All the memories and the doubts
But now you stand and wait for me
To choose to stay or leave
Right now my answer is...
Not now

I tried so hard to reach you
But you never answered back
My heart was always open
And then you made it crack


You broke my heart so many times
The middle fell right out
I've been tryin to hide the pain inside
All the memories and the doubts
But now you stand and wait for me
To choose to stay or leave
Right now my answer is...
Not now

And then there was School...

First full week of school starts today @ 7am. Yikes!!! I am so afraid since I have having financial difficulties buying my school books. I have 2 of the books I need out of 8!!! Ugh, sometimes I wish I had a rich relative who could donate to my skimpish income. Don't get me wrong. I love my job with all my heart and being, but sometimes it just doesn't seem to earn enough money for the things I need. Entry 39:

Somedays I wish I were rich
With bulging bags a plenty
Always on hand.
I sometimes wish it but
On the other hand...

I love my life just as it is
My family, friends, No wife or kids
The festivals and concerts free
Through my college/university

I may still live at home
But hey, at least i'm not alone
WIth mom and cat, bro and step dad
It really isn't half bad.

Stranger still, with all these quirks
I find myself wishing I had less housework
More time to myself or another
Rather than always with mother

Hard to endure...

Well I have fallen so behind. I really am going to try and catch up soon. I still have like 15 entries to make before I finally get on track. I think I will get it done tomorrow and tuesday before school starts back up. Past couple days I have been trying to find a balance in my life. It's been really hard to target...and i think i know why. I have lost so much trust in myself, self esteem has dropped quite far, and then I look beyond myself and see so many of my friends taking gigantic strides forward every day while I see myself as stagnant as ever. I want so much to be free again; free from emotional strife, physical destruction. All in all, I just want to have the balance I used to have. Entry 37:

Deep within the shadows of my soul
I know There is a light I used to know
But somehow it has hidden itself from me
And I'm not so sure what it will be
When I finally can embrace it and hold

I'm struggling to find the words to express
All the troubles and strife and overwhelming stress
That I can't seem to make go away

In this time of my life i'm living
There is so much I should be giving
but my heart is having trouble beating
With the hurting pain that' i've been getting

I know it's an excuse
and that in turn it's mine to choose
So now my choice will be this:
Nothing can make me choose to quit.

Oh theories

So there is this person I know that really kinda confuses me. It has now been proven, with very little work on my behalf, that this individual only talks to me when they are alcofied. In a way I find it sort of flattering, since I don't really know them that well, but I also find it very degrading. It seems some people only want to talk to me when they aren't themselves entirely, and it really bothers me a lot more now than it used to. Entry 36:

I met girl on the corner street
She admittedly told me she had two left feet
When I asked her to come and dance
Though reluctant, she said she'd give it a chance
But i never knew she'd be the wrong one to meet
ON the corner street

Her eyes they sparkled
Her face was perfection
The dress she wore was cute
She made me laugh, and she did too
But something changed as the night wore through
Her smile became silent
She didn't seem violent
But it made me wonder what I was supposed to do.

I asked her, What's the matter
IS everything alright?
She quietly replied, I need a drink
It was then I realized where i'd been
when I asked her to attend the ball
that night.

She hadn't been herself at all when I first met her
Or even as we danced the night away
I tried to talk it over with myself
But I found myself saying, No way
She cannot hold a tune to her name
Without the proper "instruments" in play.

The rest of the night
she hid herself from my sight
Oh believe me , I felt bad
But what I thought I had
was now nothing more
Than an alcoholic pried away from the liquor store.

I took her back to her place
or at least the one she said was hers
She didn't miss a beat
Opening the door and barely landing on her own two feet
as the door closed behind her on the porch
I took a deep breath in and felt relieved.

I learned that very evening
I could never date someone who had to depend upon
Something such as weed, or drugs or alcohol
To be alive within themselves and others

I met a girl on the corner street,
She admitted said she had two left feet
When I asked her to come and dance
This time, however, I noticed she'd been drinking
So I told her, "oh okay, well i'l find someone else."
So gave another street girl a chance.

(musically styled)

Meteors falling...

Tonight was a magical night. I have never seen so many "shooting stars"(aka meteors). First meteor shower with two good friends. It was fun and we had a blast. In the excitingness one of my friends said something about not wanting to miss shooting stars. Entry 35:

It's dark outside tonight
Maybe i'll get lucky still
To catch another glory cross the sky
I hope tonight i'll have my wish fulfilled

Cause I can't stand to think
I won't be here another year
My heart would shrink
I would surely shed a tear

I don't wanna miss another shooting star
Watch it cross the heavens so far
It touches my nose
And then the wind blows it back
To where it wants, it goes

This summer was much harder than the last
The doctors broke the news
I may not last another
The kimo did it's best
But it still shows on the tests
Yet I am still considering my next summer vacation
With my dad, siblings and mother

Cause I can't stand to think
I won't be here another year
My heart would shrink
I would surely shed a tear

I don't wanna miss another shooting star
Watch it cross the heavens so far
It touches my nose
and then the wind blows it back
To where it wants, it goes

I didn't quite make it
Three months shy of sitting in the night
My family's staring quietly at the stars
As I stare right back at them behind the bars
Of heaven

At least I can still see them here
For I would surely shed a tear
If we couldn't share this moment
While I'm here

Cause I couldn't stand to think
The thought of missing one more glance
At the stars with my family and friends
Even though they aren't here beside me



(musically based)

Friend's wall post

So I was posting on my friend's wall when i wrote something I felt could be a song lyric and/or title. It immediately caught my attention and made me want to be sure to blog about it. Musically inclined partner in crime. Entry 34:

Hey there. How are you?
We haven't talked a lot lately but guess what?
I have an idea about song we should write.
My words will say it, your musical instrumentation can set the mood.
Maybe we'll cross a line
Me and my musically inclined partner in crime.

This is our chance to make the notes dance across the page
Our chance to tell the world what we are made of
We have the skills, the makings of duo all the rage
For kids like us and more

SO lets write a ballad, a super cheesy ballad
about lovers finding love in who knows where
Or maybe write a samba, mexi crazy samba
To impress and disillusion those who just might care

My only problem now is this...
What shall we wear?

(musical styling)

IS it real?

Again I have hit a slight bump. I was plunking out a melody for one of the posts on here and thought while recording it that it sounded great. When I listened back however, I was less than impressed with how it sounded to me. Maybe it's because I have a minor case of perfectionism when it comes to my vocal ability. It makes me wonder if my talent is as good as what people tell me. I dunno. Maybe I am falling victim to playback syndrome=listening to yourself and finding all the faults rather than all the successes. I may never know. Entry 33:

They say truth lies inside
So very deep in your eyes
When I sit and stare at you
I feel like you just wanna hide

Is there something you fear that I may hear
Was there something you wanted to clear
from your mind, from your soul
has your fear taken a hold on you?
Have I stumbled upon the one thing you wished
I would never uncover that you failed to relinquish?

This sad happenstance of life
When you know the end is nigh
It hurts to know the truth
Ever more while in your youth
The burn is worse when they fail to claim
Their wrong doings to you and admit the blame
Cause once you let go
They will not follow

Linger...

WOW!!! As crazy as this might sound, I am so rattled right now. I just finished Linger, the second book in The Wolves of Mercy Falls trilogy. It was an interesting read. Interesting in a good way though. I haven't read a story like this...ever. Aside from this novel adventure I have been on things have been looking up from recent writings. I feel more human, more connected to things I feared would never resurface again. Entry 32:

Rain
simple, light, heavy
consuming, engulfing, enlightening, convulsing, retracting
trickling, sprinkling, drowning
Rain

Shiver

Back many many months I saw a book along the shelves at SLCC Taylorsville Redwood Campus that immediately caught my eye. The cover was entrancing and I found myself picking up without remembering walking over to it.

It wasn't until 3 days ago that I finally purchased the book and read it. I couldn't be more happy that I did.

This book, in my opinion, has brought me back to the place that I thought I had long lost some time ago. It has been a long time since a book has shaken my reality to the point that I realize what has happend in my past, what is happening in my present and what may soon happen in my future if I continue in my strides the way I have. Surprisingly poetic, musical and entrancing, 'Shiver' has awoken the life within me I longed so much to be in touch with again. I feel like I am in tune with myself again. This book has inspired this entry. Entry 31:

Daylight breaks through the clouds
Giving the earth some loving
Plants sit up and soak up
The hearty gift they've been longing for
More to add here...

Dimly as the clock tolls 9
The sun begins to lose it's shine

This selfishness is becoming my tragedy...

I have discovered how very selfish I have become over the past few months-and it is scaring me. I never wanted to be the selfish type of person who could go talking without talking about themselves. It's not the most admirable quality and not something I could ever pride myself in. Entry 30:

One look in the mirror tells me the story
One simple glance shows my category
Of Life
Of Love
Of Strife
The dove will fly near me tonight
Just need to hold on tight

To my heart's instrument
It plays my pains, my wants
My heart's instrument
Can show my inner response
Don't fail to see
What is in me
IT's love

A Much Needed Adventure

I finally got out of the house today and had some fun with my best friend from high school. It was so nice to be part of the outside world again. That's all really. Tomorrow will prove to be an adventure much needed as well. Entry number 29:

Mortals live such simple lives
In more ways than naught
While those of us who have stronger ties
Are strangely oft forgot

Once again insomnia plagues me...

On the lighter side of things: I think my infection has finally left the building of my person. It is such a relief to feel "normal". Today I will definitely take advantage of my freedom. I plan on going outside and maybe taking a day hike. My legs would like that a lot. Plus I need the exercise. I think in the week and a half I was basically confined to my house/room I have begun to get what i have dubbed as Gamer's Gut: basically a pot belly. I didn't have amazing abdominal muscles before but I didn't want to develop more of a bulge than I already had. I need to get an exercise regimen along with a healthier diet. It's not that I am trying to lose weight. More so to help me lead a better, healthier life. Anyways, here is another entry:

Each days ends just like the last
The sun goes down and the moon comes up
The time we spend in each other's arms
It never seems to be enough
For me

The touch of your skin on mine
Your lips pressed into mine
The smell of your skin has scarred my mind
In ways I cannot explain tonight
The way that your words flow
Your mind opened beyond a crack
I feel so privileged to have
The essence of you in my life's track

Each moment starts the same
As an unexpected path
Each day I spend with you
I know that it was meant to last
Agree?

The touch of your skin on mine
Your lips pressed into mine
The smell of your skin has scarred my mind
In ways I cannot explain tonight
The way that your words flow
Your mind opened beyond a crack
I feel so privileged to have
The essence of you in my life's track

Each day ends just like the last
The moons goes down and the sun rises up
In the months we have shared together
I knew you would never give up
on me.

Finished the game, but missed out on so much...

Due once again to having this stinking infection rule my current life I missed out on a couple things today(Monday). Today was my nephew's 4th birthday. I wanted so bad to watch him opening presents and throwing/eating cake. Sadly I was stuck once again at home. And once again I spent it playing my video game(which I finished!!!). I also missed out on my new favorite thing about my job: we can have party things at my work building!!! A few of my co-workers and myself decided to have an usher movie thing every dark week to let us have some free time and spend more time with each other whilst watching a movie or whatever. Brilliant idea!!!! It has started to get better each time and I can only imagine how well the turn out was this time. Anyways I think I am now once again 7 entries behind. Since i have won my game I now have all day tomorrow to write and catch up. This time I will. Here is entry 28(?):

Hear the whisp of the wind
Feel the chill of the snow
Hear the splash of the waves
Feel the rain touch your nose
Find the love in your heart
For the one that you want
Keep a place in your soul
And never let go

Mother nature has her ways with things
She makes you want to change your dreams
But she's got your back in the end
She'll keep you on the trail to your dreams

Touch a dew cover field
taste the air of the trees
Touch the hair of a hare
Taste the fresh rain breeze
Find that part of your soul
You promised never to share
Make it well known to your love
You will always be there

Mother nature has her ways with things
She makes you want to change your dreams
But she's got your back in the end
She'll keep you on the trail to your dreams

The roads are often bumpy
At times you may feel dumpy
You've gotta stand up tall
Believe that you can show them all

Mother nature has her ways with things
She makes you want to change your dreams
But she's got your back in the end
She'll keep you on the trail to your dreams

Stupid video games>>>

So since I was bored out of my mind being home the entire week with a couple short exits to do some business I bought a computer game to keep myself entertained.(mind y'all I bought it today{saturday} so I haven't had it for very long.) It always seems to make me lose track of time. I just looked at the clock and realized it was 5am!!! YUCK!!! I was doing so well at going to bed between 1 and 3. 5am is way too late. I will be adding the song/poem entry later today(sunday){or not}. Here it will be:

Try to see what's in front of me
What in the world is it suposed to be
Look left then right, up then down
And yet I still see nothing around

Is this a joke
Your silly game
Or have I lost my brain?

Whatever the prize
I don't wish to play
Please let me go
I wanna stay the same
Please get me out of your brain

Take each step so very cautiously
You might find it funny;simple immaturity
But as each moment passes you by
I'll walk side by side, matching mine stride for stride

Is this a joke
Your silly game
Or have I lost my brain?

Whatever the prize
I refuse to play
Please leave me alone
I wanna live with no pain
Please get out of my brain

In light of the situation...

This summer has been somewhat of a struggle. I have been looking for another job all summer and haven't succeeded yet. I have recently harbored a nasty infection which makes finding a job much harder until it has left my body. And lastly I haven't spent nearly as much time with my friends as I should have. Though these things could leave a person feeling like their accomplishments for the summer were disasterously failed, I have actually benefitted in small ways. I have come to understand myself, my way of thinking, and of how my choices affect me each and every day. I think this entry will show how I have been able to see the light when all the lights are turned off:

Empty room
Curtained windows
There's no light
Within the shadows

Waiting for the break of day
Hoping for my love to stay

I'm broken
So out of control
I'm broken
Got nobody here to hold me
I'm tangled up inside myself
Stuck inside this shelf
I'm broken

Longing for
brighter days
Wishing to
See through the haze

Waiting for the break of day
Hoping for my soul to stay

I'm broken
So out of control
I'm broken
Got nobody here to hold me
I'm tangled up inside myself
Stuck inside this shelf
I'm broken

At last it's come
The light of day
My heart shows some
Relief from pain

I was broken
Felt I had lost all control
I was broken
I had nobody there to hold me
Was tangled up inside myself
Thought I was stuck inside a shelf
Now I'm not broken

Things are clearing up...

Well since Tuesday my eyes have cleared up a lot. I have finished my antibiotic drops so now I just have to keep my eyes hydrated and make sure I sanitize anything I touch after I touch my eyes, nose and mouth. It seems easy, but you never realize how often you touch these areas until you have to really pay attention. Yeah, I know I am really behind on my posts, but I have so much time on my hands that I forget about catching up on here. LOL. Here is my newest song:

This morning seems different
So quiet and still
No one has come into my life
To take the place you filled

I might look like I'm alone
That I've an empty neighb'ring throne
These looks are so deceiving
Look past the threads that you've been weaving

I'm not alone
My mind has surely grown
I'm not alone
It's weird to have you home
Each day will get easier to accept the facts
You and I were not meant to last
But I'm not alone

Walking down the street
Hear the pitter patter of my feet
They seem so lonely
But i know you don't own me

I might look like I'm alone
That I've an empty neighb'ring throne
These looks are so deceiving
Look past the threads that you've been weaving

I'm not alone
My mind has surely grown
I'm not alone
It's weird to have you home
Each day will get easier to accept the facts
You and I were not meant to last
But I'm not alone

We were so close our hearts were one
Until you said that you were done
You'd found someone who made you happy
Now that your gone I can now see

I'm not alone
My mind has surely grown
I'm not alone
It's weird to have you home
Each day will get easier to accept the facts
You and I were not meant to last
But I'm not alone

You helped me some
And now I won
I'll never be alone
I'll never be alone

Evil Beginnings...

So as I was on vacation I somehow picked up something that I never would've thought I would get: Pink Eye. But not just any Pink Eye, NO! I got probably the worst case of Pin Eye possible. I went in to see my eye doctor and she told me(paraphrasing) "You have a highly contagious form of this infection. It is what we call an Epidemic Contagious Pink Eye Conjunctivitis. Basically anything you touch after you have touched your nose, eyes or mouth is infected and will have to be disinfected." She then proceeded to clean off not only the chair I sat in for the appointment but also had the chair out in the waiting room disinfected as well. I was looking forward t working this week and now I'm stuck at home because this infection in combination with my job would be disasterous!! I guess it does give me time to write here more for a couple of weeks at least(plus I have some catching up to do since this past weekend I had spotty service at the hotel. I have decided I don't like that hotel due to the parting gift I was given.) So I think for this entry I will write another poem but I may add a song to it later about my annoyance with this stupid infection leaving me stranded at home with very little to do. Here is my best shot for tonight:

Mary had a Little Lamb
Whose fleece was blue as the ocean
And everywhere that Mary went
The Lamb was sure to cause a commotion
It followed her to the store one day
which wasn't very good for old blues
He got kicked out of the building
fo trying to eat their shoes

Vacation....

My parents decided to visit our family in the southern part of our state for the 24th of july. The funniest part experience thus far happened as I was exiting the elevator. My step-sister was at the elevator as I was exiting so i greeted her. She greeted me as if she knew me but couldn't remember how. Hilarious!!! She is such a hoot I love her and her family to death :) Also While I was there my niece told us about a dream she had and even drew it. My step dad told me I should write a song about it. Interestingly enough I was already thinking about it once she started telling us the dream. Here is my interpretation thru song(so far.wil add more later):

Peace and quiet
fill the air
Hopes and dreams
heard everywhere
Faces smile
round every turn
Birdies sing
While in the fern

All of this is possible
through the power of our tree
Good will always conquer
Any evils come to be

Stand strong with the tree
It's magic will envelop us
Oh can't you see
All you have to do is trust
In the Tree

Evil Daughters seek
the power
But one singular person
Cannot expect to empower
Themselves with it all
Too much will surely hinder
ANd make them slip and fall
What they seek won't be delivered

True anything can happen
Through the power of the tree
But if someone becomes selfish
The power cannot stay complete

Stand strong with the tree
It's magic will envelop us
Oh can't you see
All you have to do is trust
In the Tree


Okay I'll admit. This one is weird. If anyone has any suggestions as to make it a little better I'm all ears...or eyes for that matter.

Oh Glee...

I watched part of the pilot when it first came out and had partial interest. Months later my friends asked me,"Have you seen Glee? It's amazing!!!!" My reply was always the same:"I saw part of the pilot, but that's about it." Late November of last year I finally decided i would watch an episode over at a friend's house. At that moment I knew one thing: I LOVE GLEE!!! Though it may seem rather risque at times it has so much passion and can be very relatable to many people of all ages. This should catch me up to 22(and it is going to be a haiku):

Swimming quickly past
the road that cannot outlast
the new growing grass

Exhaustion...

Have you ever woke up feeling more exhausted than you did when you went to sleep? I know I have. It could happen only once in your life but sometimes it seems to happen too often. Yet no matter how tired you feel you gotta keep pushing forward. Don't let a simple symptom stop you from achieving the things you want most in your life:

Take another breath of the midnight air
While walking along without a care
Of what's out there
My fears left behind me and not lookin back
Don't care if there's only water in the sack
That I carry on my back

I just keep pressin forward on this path
My mind is now focused on the future
Not the past
Just trust my courage will last

I don't wanna give my dreams to a six-foot grave
Don't wanna see 'em drown in the cold hard rain
No more disappointments will I have to save
I refuse to put myself through anymore pain
Got nothing to lose and everything to gain

Mama always said to live your dreams
Don't ever let 'em go
Keep strong the seams
Papa told me son go have some fun
Keep trying to stay on top
Until you've won

Keep your eye locked on the ball
Swing once you've found the trail
That wins it all
And refuse to take a fall

I don't wanna give my dreams to a six-foot grave
Don't wanna see 'em drown in the cold hard rain
No more disappointments will I have to save
I refuse to put myself through anymore pain
Got nothing to lose and everything to gain

At times i've felt like quitin
My head and mind all spinin
But my heart believes in winnin

Hey yeah!

I don't wanna give my dreams to a six-foot grave
Don't wanna see 'em drown in the cold hard rain
No more disappointments will I have to save
I refuse to put myself through anymore pain
Got nothing to lose and everything to gain

I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain

Addictions

We all have things we are "addicted" to. Some people are addicted to drugs and alcohol;others are addicted to food and spending money on things they really don't need to survive. Each addiction has pros and cons in which one often overwhelms the other. Sill, they continue to thrive in our world. This single word has inspired this entry:

One minute we hold the key
To every choice ahead
From choosing to be free
Or staying up in bed
When choices seem real tough
a blindfold tends to hide
the path that's straight ahead
while we go to one side

Sometimes it's good
Sometimes it's bad
We never know until
We stop our stride
And look behind
To decide to go back or move ahead

The addict will walk blind as a bat
Continue to step on an unknown path
The stressed may find where they have gone
Is not where they would guessed they'd been so long
The choice is yours to go back or stay
You make your own choices but either way
It's your choice today

Each day it gets much harder
To ignore the warning signs
Your body starts to quiver
As you read each new line
Your mind begins to wonder
what you might have left behind
You look back and you wonder
If you could be bringing sunshine

Sometimes it's good
Sometimes it's bad
We never know until
We stop our stride
And look behind
To decide to go back or move ahead

The addict will walk blind as a bat
Continue to step on an unknown path
The stressed may find where they have gone
Is not where they would guessed they'd been so long
The choice is yours to go back or stay
You make your own choices but either way
It's your choice today

Silver lining

I was driving my friend home from work tonight and I noticed something that I have never paid much attention to before. I looked up while I was stopped at a stop light and saw something very interesting: the silver lining of the clouds. It was so beautiful and majestic I sorta spaced out as I looked at it. It was almost like it was trying to tell me something. I think I know what it was trying to say:

Sky of blue in sun's bright light
Sea of green in seaweed's sight
Mountains tall in hill's respite
Rivers flow with pure delight

Moonlight shining brightly
Stars begin to shimmer
Look closely and you just might find
A not so familiar glimmer

Silver lining of the clouds
Giving hope to us on the ground
Silver lining of the clouds
Wish they would make a sound

Grass be green and sometimes yellow
As the tides of the ocean mellow
Hills of sand swirl and bellow
Neath the winds strong currents, fellow

Still moonlight glistens majestically
Over rooftops and across the sea
True beauty lies where few have been
Among the clouds that surround us, we

Silver lining of the clouds
Giving hope to us on the ground
Silver lining of the clouds
Wish they would make a sound

Though some may find the clouds
bring nothing more than rain
Others find the power
To conquer hurt and pain

Silver lining of the clouds
Giving hope to us on the ground
Silver lining of the clouds
Wish they would make a sound

Positive thinking

Today/tonight was interesting, yet taught me a lot about myself and other people's perception of me. For the first time in a long time due to neglect/ignorance I noticed that having a positive attitude can truly make people more engaged and more likely to share a smile with you. This experience has sparked this new song idea for tonight. (Yes, I know I am behind, but I am determined to catch up by thursday evening/friday afternoon) here we are:

Looking at image of a war warn soldier
He kept trying to stay warm as the nights got colder
Lying on the ground with nothing but a sheet
Though the odds were all against him he continued to compete
His body strained down to his pores
But his heart wouldn't let him give up on what he adores

He said, "I have a family
waiting for me to return
If it's without one knee
They'll still take me home in turn
I know without their love
I could not do this stuff
Gotta do what is best for them.
Being a soldier may be tough
But my love for them is more than strong enough.

He struggled in fights with his own conscious
Yet no one around him seemed to notice it
There were nights he would toss unconscious
The others assumed they were nightmarish fits
While he fought two separate wars: one inside and one out
He never ceased to let the opposing side win out.

He wrote, "I have a family
waiting for me to return
If it's without one knee
They'll still take me home in turn
I know without their love
I could not do this stuff
Gotta do what is best for them.
Being a soldier may be tough,
But my love for them is more than strong enough.

Now he's at home again
with his wife and two kids
His love for them maintained
And his regrets he forbids
He now looks at a diary long since read
While looking at a picture he forgot he had.

On the back he wrote,"I have a family
waiting for me to return
If it's without one knee
They'll still take me home in turn
I know without their love
I could not do this stuff
Gotta do what is best for them.
Being a soldier may be tough,
But my love for them is more than strong enough."

This is also to show my support of our troops fighting for our freedom not only in the Middle East, but also on the home front as well. Especially to my two beloved friends in the Army reserve: Katheryne and Allie. Love ya both so much. I know you both will do an excellent job.

Feeling much better!!!

Yay for positive thinking!!! I was quite sick yesterday and sunday. Today I woke up feeling not so great but now feel mucho bettero!!! Wohoo! So I was just looking at some pictures and it made me want to write this song:

A walk along beach

water washes ashore

Sunlight out of reach

yet i'm wanting more

Lying in the sand

treading through the sea

We are holding hands

Couldn't pick a better place to be

I feel your touch

Your warmth, your heart

Can't see my life as much

With us being apart

Today is culmination of

The times that we have shared

I won't let go

I want you to know

That I love you

And we will never be apart

Way back in 2002

I thought I'd never have

The love i wanted with you

You held the other halve

My trust was almost gone

My heart began to shrink

But in the summer's dawn

You helped to rethink

I felt your heart

Your warmth, your spark

The way our love would start

Would then lay the mark

Today is culmination of

The times that we have shared

I won't let go

I want you to know

That I love you

And we will never be apart

Don't like being sick...

Hey everyone. It's nice to know that people actually read this. It makes my feel goods bounce all over. So this past weekend I caught some sort of bug and am now sorta sick. From headaches to a fever to poor sleep I have been waging war on this evil parasite. I am hoping that I can go to work tomorrow(today) cause I really need the mula. But if I am still sick then I would hate for anyone else to catch this awful bug plus I can't expose my coworkers or customers and plan on keeping my job. I think I have 6 more entries to be caught up again after this one so I have plenty of time to catch up. Here we go:

I'm sensitive to the heat

It makes my insides quiver

Feel like I'm a piece of meat

And sometimes when I shiver

I feel the shock,

The burning lock of wonder

Could this be what I feared

I don't want it to come near

Is this the trial of love

The ever burning pain

Is this the trial of love

Will I ever regain

The love i had within my heart

Has it been lost, or will it restart

Oh friends...

You know those friends that the moment they see you their face brightens up? The ones who bring a smile to your face no matter how bad your day has been? I have to say that tonight was especially needed. Here we go:

Sunrise in the eastern sky

makes the world turn bright.

Whispy whitish clouds go by

covering the sun's pure light.

Children dancing on the lawn

playing ball and having fun

The night ends as the new day dawns

in the basking lovely sun.

Brighten up my day will you

Bring a smile to my face

Help my dreams become a truth

I no longer long for the race.

Our days are numbered, but who can tell

When we will fall down into the well

Just live your life full as the moon

Don't think about it ending soon

Time rolls by as the clock hands meet

We'll never know when we will pass

Each dawn brings us the morning tweet

Of the birds that fly so fast.

Children think of nothing more

Than playing outside with their friends

Can't we all learn from their morals

To live our lives until they end.

Each day could be our very last

But we should just live to the fullest

No one can tell us to quit

This is your life, don't forget it.

Our days are numbered, but who can tell

When we will fall down into the well

Just live your life full as the moon

Don't think about it ending soon

Regulation...

Man so I have been battling this terrible sleeping pattern that developed early June. Fortunately I was able to get a low dose Melatonin to help fix my problem. So far it has helped out a little bit. I am so happy to finally wake up before noon LOL!! Most people would probably die to sleep till noon, but having done it for almost 2 months and you start to feel even more tired and stay up much later than a human being should on a regular basis.

Not sure why I felt the need to share that. Oh well. Here is my next song:

Can you hear the clock ticking

In the hallway there?

Is there something that I'm missing

Floating in the air?

The bones within me shake

rattling full of fear

I feel my heart break

As I shed a tear.

The love is gone within your face

Have you fallen for someone in another place

The tears of an aching heart

The fears of new love start

Why does it always happen this way

Is this the price I will forever pay?

Footsteps sound along the stairs

Each time you climb and descend

The boxes in your arms all bear

Memories of the the love we had

Once the door shuts behind you

I'll know that we are done

Emptiness surrounds you

Yet still it seems you've won

You've found a love that will replace

The love we had, where is my grace?

The tears of an aching heart

The fears of new love start

Why does it always happen this way

Is this the price I will forever pay?

Insomnia strikes gold

Due to my horrible sleeping pattern I was fortunate to fall upon some more inspiration for tonight. This should catch me up to the full 12 entries I should have:

Hey are you busy

I need to tell ya somethin

This game that you have played

IS not somethin i'm forgivin

You made me think

That I was weak

That everything I did was wrong

But now I think

That you are weak

Hiding behind the wall that you've sprung

I won't put up with you no more

Get goin, leave and shut the door

Don't try and weasel your way out

I really don't wanna scream or shout

Get goin, leave and shut the door

You're no longer welcome here any more

I will admit you played it well

Took me three months to find your lies

But now it's over can't you tell

You'd best be off, take to the skies

The love was strong

Yet very wrong

The tricks and traps you laid were cruel

I will stay strong

And when you've gone

I hope you feel you've lost your tools

I won't put up with you no more

Get goin, leave and shut the door

Don't try and weasel your way out

I really don't wanna scream or shout

Get goin, leave and shut the door

You're no longer welcome here any more

You broke my heart

into a billion parts

I felt my soul

Begin to weep

But I held on

Till break of dawn

And now it's you who'll seep

Deep in your lies

Your tricks

Your games

Your kicks

you won't hurt me anymore

I won't put up with you no more

Get goin, leave and shut the door

Don't try and weasel your way out

I really don't wanna scream or shout

Get goin, leave and shut the door

You're no longer welcome here any more

You're no longer welcome here any more

Following the "wrong" path

SO everyone has experienced those times when they feel they have taken the wrong path. Something was done wrong or you made the wrong decision and now you have to deal with the consequences or you have to back track to where you were before you made the wrong turn. I know full well how that goes and it has inspired this song:

Don't know where you're goin

Not sure which turn to take

The path that you choose here

Will either make you or you will break

These Decisions can be labored

And sometimes can be quick

You have be sure of yourself

Or you just might go quit

The roads you travel can be tough

Wingin life just ain't enough

You have to try

Look to the sky

And make sure you have made

Your own path

You might feel you must follow

in someone's own footsteps

Sometimes it can be worth it

But most times it ain't legit

You must fight your own battles

if you expect to win

The war can be exhausting

But you must raise your stronger fin

The roads you travel can be tough

Wingin life just ain't enough

You have to try

Look to the sky

And make sure you have made

Your own path

Someone once told me...

Write what you know in your heart. Say what you feel in your soul. Do what you know must be done.

I have lived my life knowing that being honest with yourself is the first step to being extraordinary. I know in my heart , mind, and soul who I am and who I will always be. It has been difficult to hold to many times. Yet I still find the road back to myself. Here is my new song inspired by the journey:

Grow up, they say

Mature today!

You've been this way for far too long

Get busy

Buck up i say

You can't expect to be a child for long

Who's to say

Who I will be

It's not your place

Why can't you see

You can't be me for me

This isn't your destiny

You're here to live your life

And though I may experience strife

That's how it's supposed to be

That's how I'll learn to be me

No matter

How much you know

A time will Come

and you will go

I must be strong within myself

Can't plan to stay on your shelf

I cannot stay

Here all my life

The time has come

For me to go

You can't be me for me

This isn't your destiny

You're here to live your life

And though I may experience strife

That's how it's supposed to be

That's how I'll learn to be me

You gave me life and liberty

Your love is like a symphony

You gave so much and i can see

But now i must go off and be free

to be me

You can't be me for me

This isn't your destiny

You're here to live your life

And though I may experience strife

That's how it's supposed to be

That's how I'll learn to be me

Will my dreams find me?

It was a really great day honestly. I went on a lunch date with an old friend of mine that I haven't talked to in over a year. I then went and spent some time with my best friend, his girlfriend and their baby. Couldn't have asked for a better day! Then later when I got home a friend from out of town asked for a little favor. It turned into quite the situation, but all ended well. Then tonight(this morning) as I was lying awake thinking of ways to get back into a better sleeping schedule I was struck by a tune. It goes something like this:

Staring at my ceiling

waiting for the change.

listening to the soft noise

upon my window pane.

Praying for the moment

They will finally take me in.

Will I fail by doubt

Engulfing my feelin's

These dreams have wings

That I have not yet found

My hopes have battled

Many armies of self-doubt

Can I fight back and turn my fails to wins

Or will I find myself having to re-begin

Dreading every step

as i climb them one by one

Passing each element

The moon and the sun

Each day it becomes harder

To not look to the past

It hasn't been so easy

Will i be done at last?

These dreams have wings

That I have not yet found

My hopes have battled

Many armies of self-doubt

Can I fight back and turn my fails to wins

Or will I find myself having to re-begin

I'm getting closer every day

Hoping i will find my way

I know the prize is nearing

But still i have been fearing

Do i have the power to continue

Or have my vision been misconstrued

I must hold strong

Avoid the wrongs

And believe in what is in my heart

These dreams have wings

That I have not yet found

My hopes have battled

Many armies of self-doubt

Can I fight back and turn my fails to wins

Or will I find myself having to re-begin

I have to win

Love...what is the deal?

I was dating someone a few months ago whom I thought was the person that could break the bad luck streak that I have had for about 5 years now. Unfortunately I was terribly wrong. In fact that was the worst experience out of all of them. It inspired me to write this song:

Darkness is all around me

There is no light for me to see

Shadows nor sounds to help guide

Yet nowhere for me to run or hide

Is this a simple game

or is it a plot

To teach me what i

Have long forgot

Love has many faces

In many places

It never looks the same

it cannot be contained

My love has made a promise

Though twisted it may seem

I know that with it's promise

It will help find my needs

I look to find an answer

to all the failures i've had

This choice wasn't the best one

Now it has made me mad

How could i be so stupid

To let everything go

What can i learn to running

away from all my lows

Stressful Situations

Alright so for some strange reason stress is on my mind. Stress over my whole summer seemingly gone to waste on trying to get another job. Stress over personal issues which I don't feel are necessary to divulge here. Stress about school upcoming and whether I will be able to go at all. So the song therefore has been influenced by this stress. Here ya go:

The pains i feel

Are far too real

The hurt you bring

is astonishing

My head is aching

control is breaking

Can i survive this hell

That you have fought so well

The war that you bring

is so earth shattering

I'm struggling to find

My heart, my soul, my mind

The pressure has buit up

This front that I put up

Is becoming less and less

To the power of stress

Sometimes i fell that i

Keep getting left behind

The roads that i have climbed

will forever be out shined

My heart has lost is center

Will it ever get better?

I cannot tell right now

But i think someday somehow

Stand above this

emptiness

The war that you bring

is so earth shattering

I'm struggling to find

My heart, my soul, my mind

The pressure has buit up

This front that I put up

Is becoming less and less

To the power of stress

Now I must confess

That i am filled with tenderness

So this stress that had me found

Began to confuse me and confound

Still i can fell my hope is here

I need to believe and it will deliver

The war that you bring

is so earth shattering

I'm struggling to find

My heart, my soul, my mind

The pressure has buit up

This front that I put up

Is becoming less and less

To the power of stress

Creative Block

Hey Everyone,

Yes, I realize not one person has probably read anything since my very first post. I had high hopes that people would come back and read what else I have been writing about. SADLY it seems my hopes have been wasted. This is not going to stop me from writing the words from my heart and inner songs. Nothing can make me shy away from my dreams. Here is installment 5:

They tell you you have talent

They tell you you've got brains

They tell you to keep going

They tell you life has pains

But what remains inside your mind

Is something that is much less kind.

Is what they say a ploy

Have you become another's toy

Has everyone been telling the truth

Or have they told what you wanted them to?

You grew up wondering," could I

be the person that I see?"

"Can I be the one who tries

to be the best that I can be?"

The thoughts i've had have been much less

My heart will never think of guess.

Is what I think i have a ploy

Have i become my own new toy

Have I been living my own truth

Or have I been living in my youth

The struggle seems so endless

I sometimes feel so faithless

My heart is growing restless

My mind has become voiceless

My guide has left

Me here alone

Will i survive

And make myself known?

Waffles?

So I am starting to get the feeling that people aren't actually reading any of my blogs anymore. It's understandable in a sense:I am not the best writer in terms of interest or grammatical correctness. I just thought that maybe this way I could connect with my friends that I rarely see anymore and possible make new friends. Just a thought...

Anywho, here is song 6. 7 and eight will soon follow will be in another post after I finish this one:

Stars are watching from above

To see us learn, grow and love

One another.

The night sky brings us happiness

When shooting stars begin to pass

Up over us.

Our dreams become reality

As we close our eyes

It's such a big surprise

When the things we wish to be

Become something that we can see

Our dreams

Can come true

If we let them follow thru

Our dreams

Will become our realities

If we want them to

So let's make them come true

Early morning inspiration

So I had an inkling to rent out a few movies from the redbox early this morning:12:00am.

One of these movies happened to be "When In Rome"; a film about a woman who does not believe in magic or love. Once i finished watching it I immediately had the magic feeling i get when a new song has risen up from the ground and into my heart. Here it is:

Make your wish

Take your time

If your true

Your heart will shine

Take a breath

Close your eyes

Feel the life

Then say goodbye

Go on and make your wish

It can't hurt to dream

A little blind belief

Can't be as bad as it seems

Hold dear to your heart

Make it shine like gold

Maybe this coin will bring

You what you long to hold

A simple token

Or coin will do

Just think real hard

And it will come true

Give it life

Make it count

Don't you dare try

To psyche yourself out

Go on and make your wish

It can't hurt to dream

A little blind belief

Can't be as bad as it seems

Hold dear to your heart

Make it shine like gold

Maybe this coin will bring

You what you long to hold

Now there are days it feels like love

has turned it's back on you

That there isn't anyone

Out thinkin bout you

You gotta hold strong to

What you want and soon

You will eventually find

Your dreams can come true

Go on and make your wish

It can't hurt to dream

A little blind belief

Can't be as bad as it seems

Hold dear to your heart

Make it shine like gold

Maybe this coin will bring

You what you long to hold

PLEASE COMMENT!!! I really could use some feedback from someone. I'll take it:Good or bad.

Much more time than expected was needed

So I tried really hard to find something to write a song about today and could not find it in time. I am hoping something will hit me right now so i can write about it for today. Here is one I wrote a couple days ago to fill the July 3 slot:

Blink once

The Streets are cold and winter strewn

Blink twice

Then Suddenly turn to a summery noon

Blink thrice

Look Winters back with a vengeance in store

Blink twice

That can be Seen through my wide open front door

Blink once

Silence is dawning

Blank stare

So is the longing

Cold stare

To be rid of this aging worm

Blank stare

Our love is breaking

Blank stare

Oh, Are you shaking

Cold stare

I’m no longer your concern

Love is not your game to play

You are such a pitiful shame

Love has more than just one name

You’re all to blame , yes you’re to blame

Step one

The lights grow dim, the moon will rise

Step three

Our love, it kindled in our eyes

Step four

Yet somehow something wasn’t right

Step nine

We never had a stupid fight

Look left

Did we start wrong?

Look right

Was I too strong?

Look straight

Or was it simply a test

Look right

You played me fast

Look straight

Knew it wouldn’t last

Look left

Yet led me on and now I’m pissed

Love is not your game to play

You are such a pitiful shame

Love has more than just one name

You’re all to blame, yes you’re to blame

Love’s names

They are as follows:

Affection

Concern

Listen...and learn

Complimentary

Sedimentary

Burning

Yearning

Painfully yours

You’re love is strange

Now I have changed

I won’t stay here

Life with you, no no dear

Love is not your game to play

You are such a pitiful shame

Love has more than just one name

You’re all to blame, yes you’re to blame

Thoughts? Anyone there?

It wasn't easy to find this one...

So here on my song creation bonanza I have come to many realizations. And a few of them contradict, but they all make sense in the end. I will post them at a later date. For now here is song two. Yes, it is late, but I will have song three ready on time for shizzle.

Light dances on the glasses I wear

Your eyes dazzle so bright in the air

This love that I feel for you is real

Our hearts are one with a loving seal

Midnight's come my love

For you and I my love

To share it too

I'll hold you close to me

Til you belong to me

Forever and Always

Cause I can't stop my heart

From Falling apart

If we can't be together

From now and forever

Tell me how you feel

Does this love seem real to you?

Cause I can't stop my heart

From loving you

I can remember each day we spent

Together

It feels as if it's been forever

That I've known you

All the times we've shared

All the risks we've dared

And still we stand together

Hand and Hand, it's true

I could never stop my heart from loving you

Inspiration at last!!!

So I have decided to try something that I am very scared to do, but feel it is necessary for my current state of mind. I have made the decision to write a poem/song lyric everyday from now until the end of the year. That means 184 days including today. This decision has been sprung from an internal wish to improve my writing skills in terms of song lyrics and poetry since I love enjoy both of these beautiful art forms. This will be posted to Facebook everyday/night and i would love it if everyone who reads them would leave comments, suggestions, etc, etc.. I already wrote one for tonight which was completely inspired by the by a neighbor's decoration.

BONUS: First person who can figure out what the song is about they get a prize. The winner will be the first person who leaves a comment mentioning the object of the song.

Rustling in the wind

Dangling from above

Music fills the air

With your invigorating songs

Light hits your surface

Gleaming with joy

While daylight dampers

Till the next day dawns

Jingle you say as each gust blows

Tingle like warm the sand between my toes

Silence is not in your dictionary

Your songs are far more than ordinary

Enduring to the end

Never cease to fight

Holding back your voice

Would defeat your purpose

People watch you dance

Smiling all around

Hoping every night

The wind brings you a gust

Jingle you say as each gust blows

Tingle like warm sand between my toes

Silence is not in your dictionary

Your songs are far more than ordinary

This simple artistry

That let you come to be

The nature of your songs

Make people sing along

It doesn’t matter much

That you can’t whine or fuss

Cause we love you so much

Jingle jangle as each gust blows

Tingle like warm sand between my toes

Silence is not in your dictionary

Nor will it ever be

Your songs are far more than ordinary